No one gets to pick their family. They are your blood relations, and maybe you get along with all of them. On the other hand, perhaps you don’t bond very well with your immediate family because you feel differently about various topics.
If your beliefs are not like theirs, you might feel like they’re driving you crazy sometimes. Until you’re legally old enough to distance yourself from them, you’ll have to deal with them as best you can. As an adult, though, you have better options.
We’ll go over some of them in this article. If you want to have peace between yourself and your family members, consider implementing these policies.
Tell Them You Won’t Tolerate Cruelty from Them
Maybe you don’t like your immediate family members because you feel like they’re bullies. It could be that they’re physically or verbally abusive.
They might target you when you’re living among them, but once you’re out of the house, then presumably, they can’t harm you anymore. If you have elderly relatives who remain behind, though, and can’t defend themselves very well because of their age, you may worry about them. The National Council on Aging says that nearly one in ten Americans over 60 experience elder abuse, so you’re right to worry.
If you can get away from an abusive family while older relatives stay behind, tell them they can reach out to you if your other relatives harm them. If that ever happens, you can involve the authorities.
Move Far Away from Them
Once you’re old enough, you can move not just out of the house but completely out of the city and state where most of your relatives live. Many families live mainly in one geographic region. The best way to get along with your family members in the future is to create some distance between you.
If you live all the way across the country, or even if you expatriate, you’ll probably get along better on the rare occasions you see each other. Most family members, even if they don’t see eye to eye, can get along okay if they only visit for a few days every couple of years.
Don’t Borrow Money from Them or Lend Them Any
You should also never let your family members borrow any money from you, even if you have any to lend. On the other side of things, you should not accept a loan from them, even if you feel like you badly need it.
If you already don’t get along with your relatives, adding debt to the equation will not help matters. Whether it’s them owing you money or vice versa, there being money between you means you’ll have to deal with them more often until you pay the debt, or they do. If you know you tend to argue with your relatives anyway, it’s best to remove obligations, so you are not beholden to them or them to you.
Refuse to Talk About Contentious Issues with Them
It could be that you’re able to get along with your immediate family more or less okay until they start to talk about a contentious issue like religion or politics. Maybe they’ll start talking about those things, and you can’t stand it since you don’t believe the same things they do. Perhaps they want to speak to you about your love life, and you don’t want to do that either.
You can tell them you will only talk to them or visit them if they agree not to bring up those topics. Once they agree to that, be firm.
If they ever start bringing up those topics again in your presence when they agreed not to, leave the gathering or hang up the phone without any further discussion. That should teach them you’re serious about your boundaries.
Don’t Enter the Family Business
You might be in a family that has a family-run business. Maybe it has been in your family for multiple generations.
If you love your family members and you also enjoy the sort of work the business offers, you can take a prominent position within the company when you’re old enough. If you can’t get along with your family, you’ll want to shun that business and strike out on your own. Perhaps your older family members would like you to enter the company, but if you can’t get along with them, you have to stay away and try something different.