CoVid-19 A Journal – March 18, 2020

Yesterday, March 17th 2020, was a rough one.

Long story short… I was doing all the school work my kindergartners teacher put in the shared Google drive. This drive is where she has all the school assignments posted.  That was the problem – I was doing it all. All that work was supposed to be for the week and the weeks to come…not all for 1 day. I didn’t know. I just assumed they were uploaded for that day.

Doing all that work in a few hours period caused a lot of anxiety and strife. I cried. A lot. I sobbed. I wept. I was spent.

I then dropped to my knees and prayed. It was all I could do, and it was all I needed to do.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” ~ Isaiah 41:10

I need to remember where my hope and faith is in these trying times.

I am a VERY social person. I love to be out and about. My kids and I are rarely at home. We have passes to all the museums. Several libraries know us by name. I love to go to parks, splash pads, park and recreation centers. We are always out and about.

Being confided to my home is a real test of my character. I crave adult conversation. My husband is in sales. When he comes home he just wants to sit and not talk. He talked for a living and wants to unwind. I am the opposite and craving an adult conversation. I feel sadness and a loneliness that I have not felt in a long time.

As a Christian I am not supposed to seek my needs in people, but to seek the face of God.

“Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid.” ~ John 14:27

I was not the mom I want to be yesterday. I let me emotions get the best of me. But thankfully a good friend of mine called me out. She told me “I love you but without an attitude change it’s gong to continues to be miserable – and as a result telling God you’re discontent with his hand you’ve been dealt….the kids would also rather be at school in their normal routines….sympathize with them…”

Now, moving forward I am working on my contentment. My focus being on what Christ wants me to do. Each moment I need to reflect back on this truth.

I do know this – that He desires for me to continue to look and lean on Him.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” ~ Joshua 1:9

“Humble yourselves, then, under God’s mighty hand, so that he will lift you up in his own good time.  Leave all your worries with him, because he cares for you.” ~ 1 Peter 5:6-7

Yesterday was Saint Patrick’s Day. This is a holiday many associated with parties and green alcohol. However,  I know what the holiday was really meant for. It was a holiday to rejoice in the work Patrick, a christian, did in the country of Ireland. He helps spread the good news of the gospel to many people there. The day (March 17th) marks the death of Patrick. The day of Lenten rules were lifted for the day, which allowed drinking and feasts to occur this day (which where maybe the green beer known in society today got is roots from). Patrick;s main focus after he found Christ was to help convert as many pagans to Christianity in the country of Ireland.

After all the tears and upheval I wanted to crawl into bed. To just melt into my pillow and disappear. But what good would that do?

Instead, my daughter me “if you mix red and yellow you get green right?” – We then had a conversation about how she wanted to make her own craft project. Green is my daughters favorite color and being St Patrick’s Day I had to cave in and do this project.

When we got going and started to mix the dyes, pick out glitter and sequins for it I started to smile. I saw and felt her joy and it was contagious. THIS is what I need to do. Turn from my sorrow and look towards the joy. Where there is joy there is Christ.