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Family Future: Developing The Right Relationship With Adult Children

 

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The relationship you have with your kids has the potential to be like no other. Spending a huge portion of your time with them, from the day they are born to being ready to leave home, and this builds a powerful bond. Of course, though, as they get older, the way that your relationship works will have to change. Expanding their knowledge, becoming more mature, and building their own lives won’t work so well if you continue to treat them as if they are small. So, to help you out with this, this post will be exploring some of the key considerations to make when you’re trying to figure out how you want to develop the right relationship with your adult children.

 

Over-Dependence

 

Throughout a child’s development, they will heavily rely on their parent’s to provide for many aspects of their life. Food, shelter, and safety are some of the most important parts of this, but the umbrella is very far-reaching, covering loads of different jobs. As they enter their teen years, the amount of work a parent does for their child should start to decline. If a person is unable to experience independence during the early stages of their life, it will be extremely difficult for them to adapt in the future, leaving them unable to look after themselves as they get older. Not only does this make their life difficult, but it could mean that you never get the chance to stop being a full-time parent.

 

It’s easy to see why so many people fall into this trap. Even when their kids are very young, a lot of parents will be too generous with their time and money. Of course, though, while they are your child and you want to give them a good life, spoiling them will only build a sense of entitlement, making it a challenge for them to function properly around others. It can often be hard to see when people are relying on one another too much, making this something which you have to watch out for. It can be hard for someone to hold down a normal job or relationship when they are dependent on their parents.

 

Weight Of Responsibility

 

Throughout history, most cultures have built traditions around looking after the elderly members of their communities. This job will usually fall to the children to handle, with jobs like shopping, banking, and general life-administration being far easier for a younger person to get to grips with. Along with this, though, a lot of families end up caring for each other’s personal medical needs. Even when someone is very sick, it is usually a bad idea to have their kids look after them, and this only becomes more important as you get older.

 

Most kids will be more than happy to provide care to their loved ones, but this doesn’t mean that they should be helping you like this. Personal care will often involve very intimate and embrassassing procedures. This means that providing care to parents is not only a learning challenge, but it can also be a very emotional one, often changing the way that the whole family looks at each other. It’s not worth going down this route to save a little bit of money, with care at assisted living facilities being a far better alternative. Saving yourself the stress of looking after someone like this is a always a good idea.

 

Of course, though, there is another side to this area, and it’s an issue which most people will want to avoid. People often pass away when they are receiving care. This doesn’t mean that the caregiver is doing something wrong, instead being a natural process which can often be unavoidable. If a child supports their parent in this way, only to have them die, it can easily make the kid feel as though they didn’t do enough. This is tragic and well worth avoiding, especially if your kids are still quite young.

 

Managing Money

 

There are a lot of things about adult life which schools simply don’t teach. Managing money is a big part of this, and loads of kids leave school without the knowledge they need to be successful in this area. The essential financial skills which every adult should have are surprisingly easy to learn. As long as your child is started off nice and early, they should find it easy to give themselves a head start in this field. A lot of parents make the mistake of giving their children too much money as they grow up. While it might be nice to give them a treat, it will harm their chances in the future if you don’t teach them early.

 

Being Friends

 

When a person is young, it will be very hard for them to relate to adults. Not only will they have limited knowledge of the world, but they will also be interested in very different things, with a lot of the elements of adult life appearing to be extremely dull. As time goes on, though, you will have the chance to change the way that this part of your relationship works, as the children start to develop their adult minds. At this stage, it will feel natural to have deep conversations with your kids, with the interests of both parties fall much more in-line with each other.

 

Ensuring that you’re able to build something like this will always take some time and effort. During their teenage years, it’s likely that your kids will work as hard as possible to be different to mum and dad, though this will start to change as they get a little bit older. Respect is a very important part of all this. No one likes to be treated like a baby, even by their parents, making it essential that you respect their opinions, views, and knowledge, despite the challenges which can come with this. When you show someone that you respect them, they will almost always return the favor.

 

Keeping In Touch

 

With a busy life underway, it will often be a challenge for a young person to keep on top of their family relationships. Thoughts of catching up and spending time together won’t often hit their mind, and this makes it hard for a lot of parents to keep up with their kids. To help out with this, it’s worth setting up some habits before they leave home. Going out for a meal every weekend is a great example of this approach, as this will make it hard for your children to forget or let too much time pass before showing their face.

 

Modern technology has improved the way that families can communicate with each other to a huge degree, with loads of people enjoying the benefits of email and instant messenger. As your children are still fairly young, these tools will be very normal for them, and they will probably be using them all the time. You may have to put some time into learning them, though. Thankfully, this shouldn’t be too tricky, as long as you’re happy to make a couple of mistakes before you get it right. Most young people won’t want to talk over the phone each day.

 

Keeping Them Afloat

 

While it is important to be careful with the support you give a young adult, it doesn’t make much sense to watch them sail towards oblivion without offering to help them out. The process of building a career is never an easy one. There will be times when they have nearly no money available, making it hard to cover things like rent and bills. It doesn’t take much to lend them  a little bit of cash until they are on their feet again. Of course, though, this should always be a loan, or you will lose out.

 

Along with helping them with money, you also have a big resource which they simply can’t access; experience. When they are making a bad decision, you should always be there to offer alternatives and explain why you think they should look elsewhere. There is a delicate balance here, though, and it’s crucial that you hit it correctly. If you are too authoritative, your kids will find it hard to take on board your suggestions, and may act against them. Along with this, though, not offering enough could see them going down the wrong path. It can be hard to know how hard you should be on them, especially when they are getting older.

 

With all of this in mind, you should be feeling ready to get started on the healthy relationship you will have with your kids once they have reached adulthood. A lot of parents struggle with this, often failing to see the distinction between adults and children, despite having gone through the process of growing up themselves. Of course, though, this doesn’t mean that you have to make the same mistakes. Instead, as long as you’re willing to put the time and effort into it, solving this should be a simple matter of taking the right steps.

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2 Comments

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